She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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