I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize