worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize