God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
