hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
