I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
