Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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