That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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