Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
