just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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