Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
