What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
