Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
