I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
