Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
