he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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