god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
