I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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