marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
