i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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