Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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