she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
