I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cut my penus on the lid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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