You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
