Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
