Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
