and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
