The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
