I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You made out with two different species that night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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