This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
