God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
