Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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