the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
