We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
