the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
