got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
