He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize