not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
