Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
