Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
