Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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