Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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