Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
