I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
