Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
