look no pants
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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