FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
