I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize