were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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