If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
