watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
