Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
