Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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