Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
