I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
