She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
