covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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