If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
