That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
