I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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