Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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