I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize