Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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