After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
