What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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