I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
