Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize