Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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