I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
