at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
