the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
