Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
