I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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