God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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