I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
