I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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