I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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