One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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