just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize