you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
