How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
