He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
