I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
