We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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