I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
