by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
