he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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