you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
