every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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