Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
