hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize