Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
